I still Believe
by Jaxalie
Summary: Bookverse drabble in Elphaba and Sarima pov. insipired by the song 'I still Believe' from Miss Saigon. Both of them Loved Fiyero, and both of them felt the pain of his passing. The lives of the grieving.


**This was a drabble I wrote when inspiration struck last night at like 11pm. It's based off of the song 'I still believe' from Miss Saigon. It reminded me of the situation between Elphaba and Sarima after Fiyero's death. It's a drabble and may not make perfect sense but hey :p Bookverse (obviously)… R&R**

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**I Still Believe**

She was dreaming again, she knew she was. They were always the same…

_Beside her he lay, sleeping peaceful after the chaos of a heated passion. Being near him always made her clumsy, glancing around at the room that was now littered with the remains of their clothing, even when __they merged as one; Elphaba often found something chaotic happened, as though her adoration for him were too much. So much so that the bad things that seemed to accompany her became outward manifestations onto her home._

_Huddled close to him, their naked flesh touching together as they lay beneath her thin covers, she felt the familiar sense of floating that she seemed to always get when near him. Seeing him, her lover, her friend, her Yero… No not hers, never hers, for she was no one__. And He was married._

_Yet something in her found__ she was possessive of him, she worried for him constantly, called for his touch, his voice, his presence, him wherever she move. She wouldn't ever tell him, for to tell him would have made him realize he'd succeeded in making her care for him more than her mission, make him realize he'd won. So instead she favoured moments such as this where she could just lay and watch him, silent in his slumbers. Beautiful Fiyero, She despised calling men beautiful, but for the prince beside her there was no other word._

_Softly his chest rose and fell__ in a soothing manner, one may never have thought him more contented, his slumbers causing a light to fall upon his young features. In all his life, for all his duty to his people and to being a father and husband and lover, Fiyero was still only young, barely reaching his twenty-fifth year, and already he carried so much on his shoulders. Elphaba often found herself feeling guilty to be but one of the many weights he had to carry but never seemed to complain about. _

_Gently she ran a finger across his perfectly pouted lips, his heaven blessed lips. Bending her head she kissed him softly. She loved him. She never knew love before him; it scared her how easily he broke down her walls and made a permanent nest in her heart and life. Curled up beside him in her small bed__ with only a thin blanket and the vinkan scarf, the costume for their love making, she'd never been happier. _

_Smiling softly he moved, subconsciously pulling her body closer to him, pressing their flesh close, for warmth, for comfort, for love. As he did so he muttered__ sweetly and almost inaudible "Fae" making her heart melt as she held him close… Fiyero…_

Opening her eyes, she almost believed he was there once more, that she was eight years younger and that he, her sweet Fiyero, were alive. Part of her always wished he would return, each morning she woke and each morning the same blast of hope would die as she found the space beside her empty of his presence. Quietly she began to weep, for her lost love. Stupidity, a voice cried in her head. The worst part was not knowing if he were truly dead, half of her still expected him to walk in through her chamber door and swoop up her into one of his passionate kisses, that she would wake once more in his arms and all the hardship she'd had to endure since his leaving would have been nothing but a distressing dream, he had to return, he couldn't have left her. For if he did not return, that truly meant she had no one, no one but the boy, the useless boy that plagued her daily. It meant that he was dead and that he had left her. Of course she couldn't have been sure if the boy were theirs, he resembled Yero in only a few manners otherwise he was more like Shell and Frex. The question of his parentage roamed Elphaba's mind, for if he were Fiyero's that meant he had no father and barely a mother. It drove her to insanity.

Pulling on her dress, she moved like a spirit of her former self. The years having not been kind, she was only thirty-one and yet she moved, looked and felt older. Was this her price to pay for destroying a family by loving the husband of another? For then allowing said adulterous husband to be captured and killed by evil due to her own negligence of her mission? Or were it her punishment for giving up the hope that he could still be alive, whilst her heart had the arrogance to die?

She'd come for forgiveness, but knew too well she deserved none. Elphaba was in purgatory and all because of him…

Watching her stalk around Kiamo Ko, Sarima knew too well the signs of grief, for she herself felt the stab of it each day. Almost an eternity it seemed since her husband had left her to govern a household full of children, sisters and now grief riddled mistress and their son-slave.

So was the greatness of Fiyero, prince of the Arjikis tribe, to just up and die leaving a storm of hurt and chaos behind. It was just like him to leave them all on such a hard slope of a downward spiral of pain. Eight years since his passing and still Fiyero held a super strong bond over those he left behind, Sarima strung in her own house hold, drowning in the pain and grief and hurt that now emitted forcefully from the woman who now occupied the south-eastern tower of the castle she was forced to call home.

She had loved her husband, and yet she'd known he was unfaithful, after all, how could one man stay true to the woman he was forced to love when there was another that occupied his heart in it's entirety? Sarima had always known that although he had cared for her and her family, his love had always lived elsewhere, and only now as the Emerald ice queen lived under Sarima's watch did she realize who she was and that her husband, the prince, the hero had loved a Witch.

So like him to make and then break the heart of the loneliest person in Oz, well loneliest save one. Perhaps this was the price for loving Fiyero? That all those the Prince had touched would soon feel the stab of pain as he left them broken-hearted and tormented. It would be so like him…

And yet she still half believed he would walk through the door with a smile and a kind word. But he wouldn't and everyone knew it, all this grief under one roof and all because of a man called Fiyero. Funny how love can kill us all when it dies…

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**Sorry if this doesnt quite makesense but it had to be done...**


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